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  • Writer's pictureLaura

Is this my quarter life crisis?

I sit here, 10pm with a baby connected to my chest like I’m a self-service milk faucet. The lights are out, the house is quiet all but the sound of the fans spinning above and the bullfrogs outside the window. So why are my thoughts flashing so bright and the voices in my mind yelling so loud?


I sit here and can’t help but reminisce. Back to a time before babies, before the trauma, before I lost myself in the mess, and beauty, of life.


If you asked me 5 years ago who I was, and what I loved I could’ve gone on with an elaborate, detailed answer. I’d tell you I love country music, cold Bud Light, and going out dancing 3-4 times a week, it was might I add probably the staple to my livelihood at that time. I’d tell you I could eat Subway 3 meals a day 7 days a week and the beaches of the Jersey Shore would hold my heart forever. Kids would never be a part of my future, and my little sister was the center of my universe and reason for life.. (not that she still isn’t - don’t come for me.) I could go on and on about all the things I loved, the hobbies I partook in, how Isaiah Thomas will always be my favorite athlete and so much more about so much more.


But today, that’s different. Everything is different. If you ask me who I am or what I love today… some of those same things still resonate but more than anything the only answer I’d have is “I’m a mom and my kids are my world.” I still love country music, we all know you can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl. And it is absolutely entirely true, I AM a mommy and my kids ARE my world. But who am I? You ask me my favorite type of movie, can’t even tell you, I barely even know who the actors are. The sports that used to be on my television at all times, those are memories of the past, it’s a miracle I have any inkling of sports knowledge left in me. What do I want to do with my life? Couldn’t tell you, I don’t even know what I want to drink after I finish typing this. I don’t have a “style” I’m more of a muddled mess of college tshirts covered in baby byproduct and a messy bun. I don’t even know the last time I straightened my hair or did my makeup, something I wouldn’t have gone a day without years ago.


I feel like I’m in the midst of my quarter life crisis with no ambition or clue as to where I’m heading nevermind where I’m “supposed” to be. It feels like life is happening around me and I’m just standing still. It’s like standing at the edge of the ocean and your feet are slowly being buried with each wave that passes. The tide comes and goes, people are playing all around you, finding shiny, exciting shells and riding the wake; but there you are deeper and deeper in the sand. Before you know it you’re burnt out, another day has passed you by and all you did was stand there, now it’s time to pack up and head back home, sandy and exhausted.


All I know now is I am DEFINITELY a little out of touch and a little out of line.


Until the last sun sets, until the last moon rises.


xx, Laur


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