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  • Writer's pictureLaura

Life Through a Looking Glass . . . How Having a Guilty Conscience Creates Your Own Demise.

Updated: Dec 26, 2022

We all have things we regret, things we wish we could've done differently, things we wish we never did, or said. But inevitably, we can't change that, they are a part of our reality now and forever, but freeing yourself of these things, can set you free mentally, and spiritually allowing you to become closer to your highest self. Having a guilty conscience for one reason or another, will only create your eventual demise, slowly eating away at you and destroying the core of your being.


What is a Guilty Conscience Anyways?


Having a guilty conscience can mean many things. For most people, we believe if someone has a guilty conscience they have done something, often adulterous and unfaithful to those around them; but it isn't always that. Having a guilty conscience can be a much deeper seeded root of someone's existence. The technical definition of having a "guilty conscience" is, "A bad feeling caused by knowing or thinking one has done something bad or wrong." The two key words I find in this definition are "thinking" and "wrong".

We hold ourselves, and those around us to a certain standard, we expect certain things, set certain boundaries, so on and so forth. When these aren't met or fulfilled, and we, or others fall short of these expectations, we begin to feel negatively, sometimes hiding these feelings deep inside. These negative feelings fueled by our inner guilt often come to fruition in less than desirable ways. Self destruction and self sabotage happen quickly because you are trying to avoid the guilt and justify whatever it is we are guilty about minimizing the bigger issue at hand. It isn't until we are ready to face our demons head on that we will rid ourselves of these feelings and free ourselves welcoming in new light and peace.


Put it Into Perspective...


Having a guilty conscience leaves you with two options, take accountability for what did, or for that matter, did not happen and change it; or, acknowledge where you feel you've created a void, and be more accepting of yourself and find peace with what is and the best way to appease it. Take it or leave it, you need to find a way through it if you ever want to move past it. Life will become a specter, a shadow of what once was, a game of smoke and mirrors once you start running from your truth, making excuses for your actions or lack their of, and ignoring the consequences that may arise.


When we feel guilty for the things we’ve done, we often start projecting that on those around us. I’ve seen so many times one partner is being unfaithful and in an attempt to cover it up, and justify their own inner guilt and negativity they project those feelings on their partner. They begin accusing the other partner of infidelities, or not stepping up to the plate. How is that fair? Many times I’ve seen a guilty conscience coexist with narcissistic behaviors and toxic mindsets. We as humans have become so afraid of facing the consequences, being judged and ultimately being alone and facing the unknown. It becomes an endless cycle of living a lie, and furthermore gambling with each day letting the truth surface itself. It’s time to nut up and face the music, even if it hurts because it’s no sense in hurting other people because of the choice or decisions or feelings we have made. This may not even be a factor of loyalty, it could be as simple as not communicating enough, feeling poorly that we haven’t contributed enough etc… it’s times like this, we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and admit that change needs to happen, even if it’s at the expense of a loss. It’s better to lose someone or something that was evidently a temporary fixture in your life, than lose a part of yourself to guilt that you may never get back.


I for one, have many things I feel guilty about, I’ll be the first one to admit that mom guilt is real, and it is raw. I feel guilty every single day, what mom doesn’t really? I spend my few moments of silence at nights, after my boys are fast asleep drowning in my guilt. Was I too mean that day? Could I have been more patient, more gentle, more forgiving? Should I have given them one more kiss, one more hug, snuggled them a little tighter? These are just scratching the surface. What keeps me up at night though, is the guilt and remorse that coexists with becoming a single-parent, or rather a sole guardian to two young children, who has moved on in their life becoming more than just who I was with their fathers. I battle these thoughts day in and day out. Morning, day and night it doesn’t matter. I constantly worry if I made the right choice, if I am doing too much or not enough. Do my kids see the pain I feel? Do they know something is wrong? Have I protected them enough from the cruelties of this world? Obviously I know circumstantially, there are things I cannot chance, and have no control over. But as I stated before in order to move through my guilt and find my peace I have two options. For myself, just like many other moms I feel I need to be easier on myself. It’s almost existential that as a mom you’ll never feel like everything is right, and kosher and perfect, like there was always something more. I need to remind myself that I know in my heart I love my boys with every fiber of my being. I would give everything I have to give and more to see my kids happy, healthy and thriving. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my kids. I know in my heart that I am extremely resilient, that I have been through far more than I ever deserved and I know at times my kids have taken the brunt of that. But at the end of the day, I don’t want to wonder if I showed them a bounty of love and positivity that day. There is always time for one more kiss, one more hug, one more tight snuggle or lullaby. Each day I aim to show them more love, teach them more about life and instill in them more about respect, and consent and loving thyself and thy neighbor.


What has guilt riddled you with lately, take time to rationalize with yourself, weigh the options. Are you going to make change, or are you going to make peace? One way or another, you need to find closure. I know I do. Hang in there. Don’t let your guilty conscience become your demise, force it to become your motivation.

Until next time, I am a little out of touch, a little out of line and feeling just a little guilty.



Xx, Laur




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